“I couldn’t believe it when he just left home, without taking anything. Since then, he seldom came home to see us. I felt like I’ve lost a son.”
My name is Daisy and I am a full-time homemaker. I have three children – my eldest son is 34, elder daughter is 23 and youngest daughter is 9.
I considered myself a good mother. I tried my best to provide for my children. I loved my eldest son, gave him everything he wanted. When he was 21, he wanted to move out. I felt like he didn’t care for the family, so I told him off for a bit. I couldn’t believe it when he just left home, without taking anything. Since then, he seldom came home to see us. I felt like I’ve lost a son.
It was many years later. My youngest daughter saw that a lot of her classmates’ parents were volunteering at her school and she really envied that. She persuaded me to also become a volunteer. I had never participated in my children’s school activities. But I promised my daughter to go because she really wanted me to. One of the activities was The Parenting Children Course. After the first lesson, I realised that I had focused only on providing for my children’s materialistic needs, and had neglected a heart-to-heart connection with them. The course taught me how to express my love to my children – by hugging them, being with them, and listening to them. The way I raised children began to change.
One day, my eldest son came home and saw me interacting with his little sister. To my surprise, he asked me why this wasn’t the way I raised him. I had already put to use what was taught in the course in my daily interaction with my children! I didn’t think my son would notice the change in me. Out of my expectations, he started to come home for dinner more often. He even started to call me once or twice during the week, just to catch up! I was deeply moved. Later, being encouraged by one group mate in the course, I said “I love you” to my son on his birthday. The first time in more than 30 years! He replied, “I love you too.” I felt like my lost son was found.
I continued to participate in the course these past few years. The content was the same, but we had new group mates every time. Therefore, what we shared was always different. I was often reminded and inspired by group members’ sharing. Now I realise, more and more, that love needs to be expressed. Love is shown not only in the time and effort we put in, but also in the words we speak. The change in my life is a testimony to that! Now, as I have learned to love, I have become an example to my children. As we learn to express our love for one another, we become a much more harmonious family.
More information about the courses: alpha.org.hk/en/the-parenting-courses/
